Thursday, 13 November 2014

Updates

Okay, just some updates.

So I received a letter from Hospital Serdang regarding the salary that they still banked in even after I quit, for a total of 6 months, which sums up to RM26k. No I'm not missing a dot. That's RM 26,000. And I have to pay it back of course.

I've called the finance/account department of Hospital Serdang, and they explained a few things:
-If I still work with the government, the amount I owe them will be deducted from my monthly salary. Based on my friend's experience, it won't be like 10% or 20% of your salary. It will be EVERY SINGLE CENT from your monthly salary until the debt is settled. Unless,
-I write a letter to appeal and request for payment in installments. The max limit given is 18 months. However this is for government servants only. He's not so sure about those who are no longer working with the government.

I've sent an appeal letter, but I've yet to receive a reply. I'll update you guys when I have more info.

Protip: Don't spend the money that don't belong to you.

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So how about my life, some of you may wonder. Well, after more than 2 years of leaving housemanship, I can say that there is NOT a single day I regretted quitting my housemanship, regardless of all the things that has happened.

I'm still working as an underwriter. Probably planning to jump ship sometime next year, to another company, 'cos the working environment here sucks.
I'm coping with my job well. Not excellent, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job, although the higher ups probably don't see me doing that much. I don't give a fuck. If you can't appreciate my job, I'm gonna find someone else who will.
Salary is okay. My car is 800 monthly, rent is 260 monthly. End of the month I can save up around 200-300. Not much I know. I spent a lot on shopping.
Work finishes around 5-6pm. So I have plenty of time for dinner, and hanging out, and getting a good night's rest.

If I were to rate my life now, on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being living the dream, and 0 being a houseman, right now I'm probably at 6-7. So yeah, not too bad.
Aything else you might be wondering, feel free to ask.

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Some of you guys have enquiries, either via blog comments or e-mails, which I still haven't replied. If I don't reply within a week, then it's because I don't know the answer. I'll leave those to someone else who might know the answers.

21 comments:

  1. Dear Danny, nice to hear from you again.

    It is me, Lisa.

    So, since my last comment last year, I just wanted to tell you that the feedback I received after posting my comments on your blog have motivated me to continue housemanship. I survived the first posting, then the 2nd posting, became very good in inserting branula, was a pro in taking ABG (even in a pulseless patient who was actually having asystole - she died anyway) and I actually received mixed feedback from my superiors.

    Remember during my first posting I said I wanted to quit just after a few days of tagging? I took EL for 5 days (with the higher authority's permission), then restarted work, did not look back eversince. I became quite good in managing common O&G cases, most of the time my management plans were accepted by the MOs.

    Things started to became more difficult in the 2nd posting, until I worked with a very malignant, quite well known physician on one of my night shifts, with a moody MO. The physician called me a liar, too much talking, didn't know my cases, and said I should've just worked as a clerk. I was so traumatized I got PSY leave for acute stress reaction for 2 weeks, had to swallow SSRI, Xanax and some sleeping pills, then MIA-ed for another 2 weeks, until I sought a traditional Islamic healer. I went back to work with full motivation to complete housemanship, took 2 tablets of anxiolytics on my first day of work itself, being compliant to medications, and worked my way through the 2nd posting. I became quite good at it, received some positive feedback from superiors and colleagues, in fact I had physicians telling me I'm good and another one telling I was one of the best HOs. (Believe me it's not true, they said that because I was actually surrounded by junior 1st posters, that's why), some mixed feedback too (I had my good and bad days) and depended upon by juniors (setting difficult branulas, taking difficult ABGs, pt collapsed in acute bay).

    Until I stepped into the 3rd posting with high motivation and full drive to complete housemanship, introduced myself to specialist-in-charge of the ward I was posted at, only to receive "Don't bother introducing yourself to me". It was a horrible department, filled with cocky superiors who don't acknowledge the existence of HOs, crossed paths with some backstabbers, and received threats of extension once a week. The department was full of weird rules too. My knowledge was very insufficient, I didn't have time to prepare for the posting. I made some huge mistakes that made my name memorable to the MOs. Until 1 day, after about a month, I was so exhausted, weak - I lost interest, I lost motivation (in the previous posting, the MOs and specialists were my inspiration - they were so knowledgeable, they know cases at their fingertips, and they are so kind and willing to teach - even for simple things such as how to measure the CVP, unlike my 3rd posting), I had no motivation to come to work, I didn't give a damn anymore, up to 1 point when the MO started asking questions and I couldn't answer them and she said "See? You're just not interested right. You better buckle up. All MOs are aiming for you." I remained silent.

    And I thought "she's damn right. I'm not interested anymore." I slowly finished my work on that day, made sure I carried out every single management plan for every pt I was in charge for, spoke to my colleagues like normal and nothing happened, taught a junior to insert branula, then I took one last look at the chest tube that I hated to measure, at the acute bay that I was so scared to be in charge of, at the suction tube that I never knew how to use, the pt's wounds that I hated to do dressing for.

    I left.

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    1. I informed my superiors and my colleagues that I quit. I never returned eversince.

      Of course, it was a surprise to my colleagues, because I didn't show it. They said I was doing fine. Of course I was doing fine. Just fine. Not good enough.

      It has been 5 months since I MIA. I wanted to submit the resignation letter in the 1st month after I left but I kept on delaying, delaying, up to a point when I realized I actually.. miss my job.

      I have gone for some interviews and received multiple job offers. I know I can always get a job if I really really quit. But the problem is, I am still emotionally attached to the hospital. Medicine is not something that I hate. That particular department is. I am not good, to be honest, I am not hardworking, I don't do revision and was not the hardworking medical student who does revision for long hours a day back in medical school. I was just an average student, and average houseman. I can never become as good as the MOs that I met.

      So, that was the reason why I left. Because I don't think I will become a good doctor. If I want to stop, I better stop now. I promised myself - there's no turning back. This is already my 3rd attempt at quitting, so I think this is it. If I were really into medicine, I would never have the thought of quitting. If i had the passion to become a doctor, I would not have gone MIA, come rain or shine. So, probably this is it.

      However, I regret to see my grandparents' hope, my relatives' reliance on me, my parents' disappointment.

      I am putting my job offers on hold - just because I am having these second thoughts. These companies are taking me really seriously. They want to employ people who can stay and grow with them on a long-term basis.

      A counsellor also reminded me about the resilience that I had. On previous 2 occasions when I EL and MIA, I bounced back and worked to the finishing line. But this time, I really give up. I seriously give up, so much so that I had the nerves to tell everybody that I QUIT.

      I'm sure most MOs who read this will say, "Here comes the manja-litis HO who ELs and MIAs everytime something goes wrong." Yes, I am that vulnerable. I am not physically, mentally and emotionally strong.

      That is my story. I am currently refusing to make a move. I just want to feel the comfort of my home, see the sunrise, have a cup of tea in the evening, take a walk, and read a book.

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    2. Hi Lisa,

      I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through. You had it worse than I did. This is one of the major problems I often see during my housemanship. Juniors coming in, full of hope and in spirits, just to be talked down by the MOs and even the senior HOs. Seems that all HO tend to forget that they used to be just like that the day they stepped foot into the hospital. Once they become senior HOs, like a disease, all of them started to change, more and more into the MOs that they used to hate in the first place.

      I remember most of colleagues, during their junior HO days, would often complain "this MO is too strict, that MO likes to scold me, that senior HO act like she knows everything, the other senior HO never bothered to help us or teach us anything", yet once they get through the 3rd posting, they become the very thing they used to complain about. The irony.

      Anyway, you still have passion for medicine don't you Lisa? Perhaps you might want to appeal to KKM to get transferred to a different hospital? Just like a plant, you're a good seed, but perhaps planted in the wrong soil, restricting your growth. So it's probably a good idea to start again in a different "soil".
      I heard Putrajaya is "kinder" to HOs, though it's really difficult to get into.

      Do update us on your story. It's more than interesting enough to get its own blog.

      All the best in your endeavors.

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    3. Danny,

      Thank you for your feedback. I am surprised that you were still receiving your salary 6 months after you MIA-ed. I stopped receiving it after the first month, because I officially told my supervisor specialist that I was quitting, although I did not submit any official letter. My HOD's PA also called me, and I innocently picked up and told her that I was thinking about resigning. She then called me again repeatedly to bug me into submitting the official resignation letter, and of course I ignored them, because what she didn't know was, I am having second thoughts.

      I am not passionate about medicine, I always have doubts about it. But my love for medicine grew from time to time. After finishing my second posting of housemanship, I was certain that I wanted to continue this journey in the medical field as an MO, or probably want to pursue specialisation in radiology/psychiatry, but that's before my morale and motivation was shattered down by the things that happened in my third posting. Talking about low self integrity.

      My friends and family are also suggesting me the same thing - to apply for a transfer. I have been thinking about it for the past few months. However, I wonder if it's possible because in order to get transferred, I must first, go back to work and be in the system. Otherwise, I doubt they could proceed with the transfer application. My HOD, who happens to be a guy who dislikes HOs and often refuses to see/talk to HOs in person (or acknowledge HOs existence) is someone who is difficult to deal with, and I doubt he would be kind enough to sign my transfer application form.

      After all, I did mention that I wanted to quit, and not MIA. I didn't just disappear, hide and kept their silence and then suddenly comes back to work like nothing happens like certain people that I know. They can do that because they just disappeared. They didn't tell anyone they quit =(

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  2. Thank you for the updates, danny :)

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  3. Nope. Putrajaya is not 'kinder' or any nicer to their H0. So many medicolegal in putrajaya since it is a district hospital in a federal teritory of malaysia. Once a patient lodges a complaint, even a simple stupid thing like 'the doctor poke me twice', your life be damned in that dept. So imagine ObGyn dept where complaint and medicolegal is so common. And even the director is a biotch in disguise. But yeah compared to other hospital. Putrajaya is busy but not as hectic as...HKL or bigger hosp etc etc.. I completed my H0ship and suffer as M0.
    -ann-

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  4. Nice to hear from you Danny. I'm glad you are happier and life is really turns out well for you :)

    And to Lisa, I wish you all the best, whatever decision you'll make know that it must come from your own heart. You need to decide based on what you want, not what other want. And you certainly experienced worst than me.

    I was one of the HOs that got transferred from HQE to SGH after failed EOP exam twice in medical dept.By that time I felt so depressed but continue to force myself to work, and in my mind I'll just intentionally fail that final assessment and just be done with it. I no longer has any passion for working as HO.

    One of my MO told me this "If you cannot focus, then you shouldn't be a doctor" (in angry mood). That's when reality struck me. It's what makes me decide to go see my specialist in charge of HO. And then I was referred to PSY, and eventually diagnosed as Major Depression Disorder. Currently on Escitalopram 15mg ON. I already resigned, sent official letter too. I didn't regret of quitting at all. I just missed the social aspect of it.Currently jobless here, and dunno when will I am strong enough to work again...since my depression was like more than 10 years already but only 3 months ago started therapy *sigh*.

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  5. Hi lisa and danny.. like u guys..I just quit my housemanship.. n im jobless rite now.. lisa..as u said previously dat u got some job offered to u..may I know how did u manage to do dat? Thank u!!

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  6. Hi Rose,

    First of all, what I did was, I set my expectations low. People who have quit told me I should not be expecting to have new jobs with salary as much as HOs', and to get half of the amount is considered good enough. The offers that I got were the positions of health advisor with a pharmacy, customer care associate with a bank, and management trainee with a business company. The salary that they offered me was RM1800-RM2300.

    Contrary to our beliefs, degree in medicine actually can get us anywhere we want to go. Employers trust us because they know that doctors have work ethics and we are mostly intelligent. The only problem is that, sometimes you really want that particular job at that particular company but they rejected you because you are "overqualified" and they are afraid you won't stay with their company longer (jump ship) - which does make sense for me.

    Otherwise, meanwhile you can do part-time jobs. I am currently teaching at a tuition center for very small wage. Nonetheless, it's better than not doing anything at all while I MIA. You can teach, work part-time at customer service/call centers, retail stores. It sounds ridiculous for a medical graduate, but if you really need some money to go on with your life, these are the options.

    If you want medical-related jobs, try medical reps. Many pharmaceutical companies are willing to hire people with medical background. (I don't really have talent in sales, so I have never applied to these companies).

    Hope it helps.


    - Lisa

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  7. Hi danny, i discover your blog recently and been spending nights reading your journey which to me are very well written and encouraging..i'm not in anywhere close to medical thingy since i'm currently a teacher in one of the local school and has been in the education field since the beginning..but i have a close friend, a dearly one who is doing his housemanship, his fourth posting at the moment..he got extended in his first posting; medical which pretty much changed the way he viewed his job forever..i do not know the story as recalling would only makes him down to the very bottom of the well..what i know is he went through hell everyday even now after about a year plus and he hated every single thing about his work..i bet he wishes to quit trillion times a day but do not have the gut to as it is really hard to find a job nowadays nonetheless..so he still walk in and out of the hospital carrying the everlasting burden while hoping one day he could really get out of this mess..the sad thing is i could never properly understand his condition, because he rarely shares details about his work (dont want to recall perhaps) despite the overly stress and tension that he faced everyday..so probably the less i can do is to give him some moral and emotional support when he needs one..danny, if you were me, what should i say or advise him to at least make him feel better about quitting/not quitting? He's on his fourth posting so i'm pretty sure he's not having aftermath shock due to the sudden hierarchy drop nor he's in the process of adapting, but he really hates his job..earnestly..should he quit or not?

    -sori danny for bombarding your precious time with my problem and sori that you might have to repeat the whole advice thingy again..

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    1. Hi zyhhk24,

      Thanks for the compliments. But seriously, I'm probably not the right person to get advice from. I'm not exactly living the dream. But if I were in your shoes, I would help him to discover what is it he really wants. Why did he do medicine in the first place? Is he stressed because of the workload, the scoldings, or simply because he never liked his job? Housemanship is difficult for everyone, not just me and him and the other guys here. No HO could go through housemanship without thinking of quitting. Everyone wanted to quit at some point. He just needs to recognize the reason he wants to quit and is quitting what he really wants? If there is a way to fix or improve his housemanship, would he still quit?

      If you're his partner or spouse, all you need to do is be there when he needs you. When I quit, no one supported me. Not even my other half. So make sure at least there's one person who's going to support him no matter what he wants to do. When he's not alone in this, then he will have a clear mind on what is it he really wants. Otherwise he might just do something out of frustration, or just to go against the wishes of those who never tried to understand him.

      I wish you both all the best in future endeavors.

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  8. Thanks danny, thats really help..i know i'd asked the right person..wish you all the best too..:)

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  9. I want to quit ho ship either.. So stress.. No one understands.. My i know what the alternatives? Im so stress right now.. Cnt even think whats right or wrong..

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  10. Hi danny,

    Would like to know if you finally paid " the 6months running pay " to kkm?

    Ive quit for the past 1 month and i still got the pay by kkm. So i am not sure what to do with it. Many thanks.

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  11. Hi danny,

    Would like to know if you finally paid " the 6months running pay " to kkm?

    Ive quit for the past 1 month and i still got the pay by kkm. So i am not sure what to do with it. Many thanks.

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  12. Hi danny,

    Would like to know if you finally paid " the 6months running pay " to kkm?

    Ive quit for the past 1 month and i still got the pay by kkm. So i am not sure what to do with it. Many thanks.

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    1. Not yet. I've sent an appeal letter but haven't gotten any response. My advice is, dont use the money. Put it in ASB or something but dont use it, cos they will claim it back from you.

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  14. Why not try for preclinical lecturer...at DS45(about rm3k-4k) i think it would be sufficient enough to cover ur expenses..and of course better quality of.life.. last time i saw from Unimas website they opened for walk in interview .. u can check other Uni website.. some Uni offer the master programme for about rm17k ( 2years duration)

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