Friday, 23 March 2012

Why quit?

Why quit? It's a noble job. You can now put the title 'Dr.' in front of your name. The pay is good. The job's secure. There are no risks. Everyone respects you.

Well, you see, I never had the intention to become a doctor in the first place. I got 8A1s in my SPM. You know what are the subjects that I didn't get an A1? Bahasa Melayu, Pendidikan Islam, and Biology. Now wasn't that quite obvious that anything related to living things and the human body is not of my interest? I got a freaking A1 for Sejarah, the most boring subject known to mankind (at least to me), but I didn't manage to score in Biology. Now doesn't that show just how much I hate Biology? My real passion is cars, and I wanna do something that's related to the automotive industry (not a car salesman though). So why did I become a HO in the first place?

Well, I got good results in my high school exam, and also in my matriculation college, and I was young and unsure of what to do, and my parents were pushing me to do medicine. And it's not just my parents, everyone else practically had the same thought. They all had the impression that if you have good grades, then you must become a doctor. Other jobs are rubbish. Other jobs will get you nowhere. Other jobs wont make you rich. Other jobs are full of corrupt people. Other jobs you will be treated like shit. Only doctors can get a decent salary. Only doctors have the most noble job in the world. Only doctors are respected.
Those whose parents or siblings are doctors, they will say "Your mom and I are doctors, even your brother is a doctor, therefore you must become a doctor too!"
And those whose family member aren't doctors, they will say "We never had a doctor in our family. Therefore you must become one and make our family proud!".

If you don't take up medicine, then you will be shunned by your family. Your parents, your grandma, your neighbors, your aunt who never gave a shit about you, your cousin who never spoke a word to you, all of them will say "He got such good grades, why didn't he take up medicine? It's such a waste. He's a shame to his family. He's making a mistake. He's gonna regret it. What was he thinking?"

You see what's wrong with people nowadays?

I know it's a bit too late for me, since I already finished medical school, and I've worked as a houseman for 7 months. But it's better late than never. I definitely do not want to spend the rest of my life doing something that I absolutely loathe every single day.

Anyway, you guys might be thinking, why didn't I quit when I was in medical school?
Let me explain. You see, medical school is like a quicksand. From a distance, it looks safe. It looks harmless. You thought "I definitely could make it through even though I'm not really interested to cross that sandy area. What's the worst that could happen? Might as well give it a try."
So you step into the quicksand, and you slowly started sinking. By this time, your thoughts would be something like "Oh dear, this sand is a bit too soft. It's quite difficult to walk in this sand. But I think I can manage."
So you keep on going until the sand is up to your waist, and you're halfway across the quicksand. And now you're thinking "Shit, I'm in deep trouble now. But I've already made it halfway through. No point turning back now. I must go on."
And eventually the sand is up to your neck, by which time you're thinking "Fuck, I'm gonna die. I never should have stepped into the quicksand in the first place. But there's nothing I can do now."
So by the time you realize that you've made the biggest mistake of your life, you're already engulfed by the quicksand.

And it's the same story with everyone around you. Whenever you want to quit, they'll say "Come on, you've just started your first year! You should at least give it a try! You might like it after you get used to it!"
And then "You're already in your second year! Next year will be the clinical years! You cant give up now! Maybe theory isn't your thing, but you might like the clinical years!"
And then "You're halfway through! You can't give up now! You already spent 3 years here. All of those years will be a waste if you quit!"
And then "It's already the final year! You can't quit now! At least finish your exam and get your degree first! You've come this far, you must go on!"
And then "You already got your degree. At least give housemanship a try. Don't just give up. You should at least try first!"
And then "You can't quit your housemanship! At least finish these 2 years and get your full license to practice!"
And then what? "You can't quit now! You've come this far! All of your efforts will go to waste! You already got your full license to practice, so now you must get a Masters degree and specialize in something!"
It's a never ending process. No one will support you when you want to quit. No time seems to be the right time for you to quit. Everyone would just tell you to keep holding on. If I really wanna hear those words, I would've just played Avril Lavigne's "Keep Holding On" repeatedly on my mp3. At least she sounds like an angel.

And here's my favourite part (by 'favourite', I mean the one I hate the most):
"Everyone else can do it, so can you!"
So what? If everyone is a rapist, so I should become one too? Not that I mind, but you get what I mean.

Anyway, I hope that explains why I wanna quit my job now. It might seem too late, it might seem like waste, but it's definitely what I want to do.
I'm not gonna tell you guys the stresses of being a HO that made me wanna quit, cos I'm pretty sure you guys have experienced it yourself. For the HOs at least. And other houseman blogs out there have already elaborated the stresses of being a HO in detail, so look 'em up.


  1. What the Man, now that I'm thinking
    "Luckily I rejected the offer."

    U know when u're in a Sekolah Berasrama Penih thingy, everyone was talking bout medic. Medics and medics. And for my class, almost all students got straight A's and half of them were in medicine!

    And I applied for Islamic finance from MARA, but they gave me Bachelor in medicine in JUST, Jordan.

    I was thinking like,
    "Should I take medicine or not? Damn"

    And my parents were like,
    "Ohhh anak aku jadik doktor." Just like what you'd said.

    But I dont love Bio and medics and stuffs, and my brother is a 3rd year medics(now housemen in Sungai Buloh) and he knows me well, and he said,
    "Ijin, kalau Ijin amik medic tapi Ijin tak minat, Ijin takkan dapat buat. Percaya cakap Pami."

    And now, I really enjoyed and love what I'm studying, I took Islamic Finance but not under MARA, and I had a spectacular life as a student.

    Im doing what I want to see and not what everybody wants to see.

    Gudluck bro. I pray for all your steps after this. Btw, your blog is a very nice too. Kinda love it. ^^

    1. good to see that u're following u your own dreams rather than fullfilling the wish of others.
      you are very lucky to have a brother who gave you the wise advise.
      when i was in that same dilemma, i had no one to properly advise me on what im actually getting into. everyone thinks that just because i got all As in SPM, then i should take up medicine and be a doctor. no one really asked me what i really wanted to do. no one bothered to know about my hopes and dreams. everyone is too excited that they will be having a doctor in the family.
      it may be a bit too late for me to do what i really want, but that's why i'm writing this blog, so that it wont be too late for others.
      thanks for the support bro. :)

  2. Hello bro! I am now in my second week of tagging for my first HO posting. Have the same dilemma as you had,but at least you had been working for a year. Is it too early for me to turn back? A lot off ppl say that they too had the urge to quit but as time passee by and as ee gain more experience the urge will be gone.What shd I do? HELP

    1. how do u feel about going to work? do u feel scared in the morning? feel like u wanna cry? feel that ur heart is very heavy? if the answers are yes, then those are just the urges because u're still new to housemanship and working life.

      but me, i got over that phase. and i quit not because i cant cope with the job. but simply because i hate it to the very core. i was like "fuck this, this is not what i want to do for the rest of my life!"
      i dunno what's gonna happen if i quit, but i know for sure that i wont make it big continuing my Housemanship, because i dont have a passion for it. and when u dont have the passion, it'll be difficult to succeed.
      If Colonel Sanders is not passionate about fried chickens, do u think KFC would be as famous as it is today? If Picasso hated drawing and he just do it because he doesnt know what else to do, do u think his painting could be sold for millions of dollars? im sure you get my point.

      my sincere advise:
      u're tagging, it's fucking tiring, and u get this nervous breakdown every morning before the rounds. that's normal. no HO, no matter how good they are, would say "Yay!! It's the morning rounds!" unless they say it in a sarcastic tone.
      so try to get through a few months of HO, and see how would u cope. then take your time to think carefully "Can i do this? do i want to do this?"
      then u make ur decision. dont be so hasty, u have plenty of time.

  3. omgadd omgadd!! You really speaks my mind. I'm totally in the same boat with you, I got straight A's, no one in the family is a doctor so "yeay my daughter will be the first doctor in the family, we're so proud of you".

    1st year, it's just the beginning, you'll adapt day by day!
    2nd year, you're gonna be in clinical next year, might be better!
    ..5th year, final year already, it's a waste if you wanna quit!
    on & on & on...duhh..I HATE ALL THESE!!! I WANA F QUIT!!!

    Thank you for sharing your experience, at least I know I'm not alone in this.

  4. what are u up to now? Just curious.